SINGLE
How do you manage big decision makings?
For my 22 years of existence, I have gone through shit dozen of times. Talk about break ups, being played with, cheated on, stabbed, burned, failures, etc. I am anything but normal.
All of us met strangers that we like; some we dispose, others we retain as friends, while some, well, let’s say we end up having a deep connection with. For Christ's sake, I couldn't count the number of guys I have met over the years - at my travels, parties, events, meet ups, clients, etc. - where the two of us get along so well but for some reasons, it didn't work out. I am the type of Asian gay lover who has this principle that once a man cheated on me, I let him go. YES! I don't give damn second chances! For me, cheating is very contagious - it's like a disease that spreads over the regions of the body that continuously metastasis until it affects the whole being and eventually, die. TRUE! I am talking about cancer diseases - though curable but there would still be relapses. And that's the main reason why my past relationships ended up early - go and figure it out; two months? three months? Duh! I cry really hard and long but I always make it sure that once I am finished, I won't cry all over again and again for just the same cheap reason. The hell out of these cheater lovers I care. It disappoints me because I don't do third-partying. If I do, I will leave.
I believe that once you are in a relationship, you have to give a 100/100. That 'ol 50/50 saying is bullshit. You give everything or give nothing. That's it. But make sure that both of you are giving the same amount of love, trust, and respect. What for it's being called 'give & take' relationship? Look, if you give your all and don't receive it back, you are just wasting your time if you stay. Investing on something not profitable is wrong, very wrong. You cannot give something that you ain't have.
I got relationships before, well, let's just consider them as trial and error - commit one night and see things if it'll work out, if not, then, don't settle for less. On the other hand, I only got six really serious type of relationships - Lord, have mercy! I am only talking about same sex relationships. TRUE! Since my high school conceited years, I only committed lovingly to six men. Maybe for some people, it's too many while for others, it's just few. These men are already successful in their own fields - one owns a coconut farm and rice fields; a man who is working his ass out in his office in Cavite; a guy who is now a supervisor at large in one of the best call centers in the country where based in Cebu City while at the same time studying in law school; a very good boy who is now practicing his profession as a registered nurse in Marble, General Santos City; a doctor wanna be who is currently studying medicine just within the vicinity and a 28-year old lad who is the communications officer in one of the biggest trucking services in the city.
I was single for what? many, many months, and it was only until I met my 'JUST FORMER BOYFRIEND' that I decided to give this relationship thing a go. Mind you, it’s the same story. We met during a party, exchanged numbers, he kissed me, then, spent time together, etc., etc., etc., and after three months, we bit the bullet and made a commitment. I am not like a fast food chain - cheap, fast, and easy. Excuse me?
To exact it, it has been my longest relationship ever - six months, 19 days, 22 hours, and please, let us not count the over acting minutes and seconds!
He already cheated and lost my trust towards him for countless of times but some times, we have to forgive people simply because we still want them in our lives. If he cheated with you, he will cheat on you. Go and tag me as 'martyr lover' and I tell you, the hell I care! YES! It just ended up yesterday after all the beautiful memories and good times spent with each other. I mean, it has to end. You can't just stay in a situation where you are the only one who is growing up and him? still boiling his balls over his comfort zone - not a healthy relationship for that matter. He's not gonna change unless he wants to. Since, he doesn't want to, we don't have a choice. I don't wanna caught losing myself because I was madly deeply in love with him. Come on! No matter how many times he apologizes, it means nothing without a change of behavior. Remember, "I am sorry" is a statement; "I won't do it again" should be a promise; and "How do I make it up to you?" is a responsibility.
After my fifth relationship break-up, I won't break some one's heart again. Alright. I do the break up thingy before during my past four relationships but not until the fifth one. T'was so hard and painful because that was really the first time some one broke up with me. Thus,I promised to myself not to do it over again. To be honest, I let my sixth time lover and now is 'JUST FORMER BOYFRIEND' to do the break up but he wants to stay so, he refused. I told him, if you can't do it, I will.
UNFORTUNATELY, our story is not a fairy tale - not ended happily ever after. He can't afford to break up with me because he was afraid of losing me. But reality check, I told him that he brought us into a situation like this. Since he can't do breaking up with me, I did it myself. It's truly sad and the pain that I am having is unbearable. I know my worth, I exact my standards, and I refused to settle for anything that isn't worth fighting for.
YES! WE BROKE UP!
There's a difference between giving up and knowing you have had enough. Me? I had enough. Seriously. Well, to be old and wise, you must have to be young and stupid. REALITY CHECK! All I really wanted out in a relationship are the eyes that won't cry, lips that won't lie, and love that won't die. How can I find the right man if I never let go of the wrong one? We don't have to forget them but just accept that they are not that person anymore.
Now that I AM SINGLE, I pretty know that there is more to life than finding Mr. Right. I will live my life as an individual, love myself back, and Mr. Right will come when the time is right. I will never ever go back to an old love, it's like reading a book over and over again when I know how it ends. I just realized that being dumped, cheated on, and taken for granted is why many people chose to be single. STRESS IS NOW GONE, LIFE'S EASIER, AND BEING SINGLE MEANS DRAMA FREE, LESS STRESSED, AND REFUSING TO SETTLE FOR LESS.
MONEY IS THE MOTIVE, RESPECT IS EVERYTHING, LOYALTY IS PRICELESS, SUCCESS IS MOMENTARY AND KARMA IS A REAL BITCH!!!
HENCEFORTH, I WILL NOW BE VERY BUSY CHASING MY DREAMS AND MAKING THE MOST OUT OF MY CAREER! WISH ME LUCK! WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!
I ALWAYS LOVE Y'ALL!!!
Keep posted.
